Fetish has no Gender

Thanks for having me ! My name is Max. I chose this name two years ago. But therefore I was known as Joke, which is a typical Dutch name, given by my parents. I am originally from Bergen (The Netherlands) but moved to Amsterdam back in 1991, married my partner Stef in 2005 and I have been working for mister B Since 1999 and still am. In November 2018, I started with testosterone.

I call myself genderfluid, because I don’t feel comfortable with either the terms “a woman” or “a man”. It took a while to understand and recognize this feeling and be able to finally accept it. I always felt like a stranger in our midst. In fact, when I grew up, I never understood what was happening to me.At one point in my life as a woman, I fell in love with women. Things became clear, I must be a lesbian and I thought I could finally start living my life. Think again… I still struggled, I wasn’t happy and I couldn’t find peace with myself. It was an ongoing process of therapies and to learn how to love myself. And I still felt like a stranger. For example, I was scared to dress up in changing rooms because I felt so uncomfortable with my body. Today, with the use of testosterone, my body has changed. I get more muscles, I have hair growth, I’m even getting a belly and so much more. All that as 53 year old woman. And to be honest, it makes me feel complete with all these characteristics.

At work I never experienced any negative reactions. But I get a lot of questions, which is good. People ask questions, because they are genuinely curious, but always with respect. Recently a client asked me if I already had a penis… You know, when you are selling dildos, you can talk about stuff like that. (laughing).On the private part, it was a little more difficult. I was the tough butch, taking male hormones and I jumped into the manly side. In fact, I always was the butch type. Since it was known I took hormones, I wasn’t welcome any longer at some SM parties, besides the fact I went there for years. It’s just how it goes. Sometimes doors close, and other open. And I feel more than welcome at other events. All my friends have been supportive in my journey, so that’s the best part.Changing rooms at the gym are still a struggle. I don’t feel comfortable changing at the women’s room. And at the same time, I don’t want to go the men’s room. Of course I talked about it with the manager, because communication is key to be understood. And I have to admit, sometimes I do have good talks in the changing room. But I still have this little voice in my head, telling me there is still #workinprogress.

We are definitely a minority in the fetish community. But honestly, I don’t experience it in a negative way. Everyone I talk to in the scene is openminded and is ready to learn about the topic. They are all willing to help if the scene could use some help. I am very open about it. But I don’t know everything. I am still in this process of learning. And it’s definitely something that could be different for each one of us..

I have always felt a huge attraction to women of the SM-group Wildside. When I was 25 years old, I was bold enough to attend one of their events at COC Amsterdam. Later on, friends took me under their wings, to go to play-parties and let me have fun with their play dates. That’s how it all started.

I really want a farm with my partner, with a lot of animals around us.

The world would be a better place if everybody would treat each other with respect. Always ask yourself how you want to be treated by others or how you don’t want to be treated. If you don’t want to be treated one certain way, there is a big chance the other persons wants it the same way ( unless you’re in a consensual roleplay, haha ). I love the fetish scene. It’s a world where I feel home, and where people treat me with respect. That is very exceptional !I don’t have all the wisdom about gender fluidity. This is my story, which means, it isn’t a guideline for each one of us. Everyone who needs a talk or wants to connect with me can find me on Facebook as Max Groen.

Special thanks to:
differentbysuus.com
renezuiderveld.com