What are some positive traits and negative traits in the fetish community, what sticks out to you the most?
First I’ll talk about positive traits. Usually, the fetish community is a very welcoming community. I learned since I got into my first BDSM and fetish group that there are people who want to teach, who wants to guide new folks to try new fetishes, to show love and respect for their brothers and sisters. It’s a very loving community, actually, it’s very opposite of what media has portrayed about the fetishized communities or fetish folks. Where usually they show fetish people as just crazy folks.
However, one negative trait I definitely see around the world is that also media and most people we see in the fetish communities are only white hypermasculine men. There is not enough exposure for BIPOC. And that causes all sorts of problems like racism, elitism, and thinking that only white masculine men are fetishists. Don’t get me wrong masculinity is not wrong, but excluding everything else is.
What can we do to solve this issue?
We need to educate, we need to show more BIPOC, we need more events and gatherings for these groups. We need more exposure around the world. We need to show every step of the way that there is more out there. It takes time and effort but we will be able to do it if we keep pushing it forward.
How did you end up joining the fetish community?
I basically joined on one of my birthdays that I was not doing anything. I was alone in my studio. Bored AF. And I was scared of actually going to a BDSM workshop not that far from where I was living. I was full of stigmas full of scary bs that the media had told me. But I said oh fuck it. I’m gonna be fine.
Then I went to my first BDSM fetish workshop. And wow my life changed, I felt safe. I felt welcomed. I learned a lot at that event and every single event forward. After that, I basically never left.
What’s one thing you'd change in the fetish community to help BIPOC feel more welcome?
We need more BIPOC dedicated events. We need more exposure on social media, at bars, and event advertisements. We need to see that BIPOC are portrayed. That we can be on the cover of any ad for bars and events. We need these figures which we can relate to and say. I want to be there. That is the first step. Then ensure inside that you will be welcomed and be part of the group, club, or community.
We need to make rules and safety guidelines more clear.
What’s your favorite memory from you’re fetish experiences?
I have so many, from my first time being tied up, my first pride that also was one of my first times wearing rubber outside. Every single Mr. Rubber Mexico. Every single MIR event I’ve been to.
Every time a new fill tried rubber and you see the shine in their eyes that they love the feeling and everything. My first Folsom at SF and Berlin. Wow, I just can keep going and going.
Do you feel represented in the fetish community? If not, explain why.
I feel represented but that’s because I’ve exposed myself. I’ve worked to also be part of the conversation. I’ve worked my way to be seen. And I am still working on it. We need more Latinos in the fetish community, and there are lots of Latinxs. It’s just that there need to be more photos, more events, more clubs and organizations focusing on Latin folks.
What is your advice for someone joining the fetish community?
The problem with most communities is that it is hard if you are introverted. If you are not used to starting the conversation or joining one. Social anxiety is real. But also if you want to be part of a fetish community. You need to try your best to participate and assist as often as possible. I know it can be hard. Especially if there are not many folks that you can relate to. That’s why we need more exposure so newcomers feel they can join without a problem, without any judgment or discrimination.
However, as I said. Just try to be part of your community, and that just means being present. To be there. That is the most important part. If you don’t participate, if you don’t assist. If you don’t ask, if you don’t talk. Then it’s going to be hard to listen to you. To pay attention to you. I know it’s easier said than done for so many. But If the mountain will not come to Mohammed, Mohammed will go to the mountain.
People want things served on a silver plate. But they are not willing to do the dirty job. And I understand that it will be even harder if you go to the events and you feel excluded, you feel not welcomed or even discriminated against. I understand.
So for all event organizers and producers. Try to make everyone feel welcome. Make it easier for everyone to join and feel part of the community. Try to make your community participate, even if it is just a small dynamic or activity.
But also try to attend, try to ask, to talk to participate. We need more of that. Especially if you really want to be part of any community.
And also get rid of so many stigmas, and go out and try stuff, there are lots of folks who are willing to help, guide and teach newcomers. Breathe and remember. It must be FUN.